FROM THE DAWGHOUSE…
Men Mentoring Men
Hey guys. If you’re a regular Forge attendee, I am sure it’s not lost on you that there’s a great need for men mentoring men in churches across America – particularly younger men – and I believe strongly that God is challenging us to jump in feet first. Yes, an intimidating thought I know, but if we don’t dive in, who will.
For years, I was the dude who said, I’m not a mentor. I’ll let someone else do the heavy lifting. Guys who are more outgoing…more spiritual…more versed in the Gospel. Not to mention, I don’t have any idea how to mentor.
But 4 or 5 years ago, having become weary of God’s persistent call for me to get involved in being present for a generation of young men in desperate need of men like you and I, I relented. Indeed, my fear was a poor excuse for someone who believed God was in control of all things, and the need was too great for me to ignore any longer.
Result: the mentoring experience has been amazing – not from anything I’ve done, but from everything that God has done. Truth be told, I’m not sure who has benefited the most – me or my mentees.
So, here’s the deal…
I don’t profess there is magic formula on how to be a mentor, but I can tell you that the 4-million books out there written to tell you how to do it, are for the most part, not worth the paper they are written on. Mentoring is not a formula…a set of steps…or a set of rules for engagement. Mentoring is just letting go and letting God use you as He intended to use you in the first place. It’s about being authentic…about listening…about caring…about showing another person that you are willing to invest time in them. Nothing else. No agenda.
• Are there key learnings I’ve gleaned over the years? Yes…Always pray before you meet with the person you are mentoring, and then, when you do meet, pray with them prior to beginning your conversation. From the get-go, that establishes a very important Godly precedent for your mentee to see and learn.
• It’s not about you. It’s about God. Let Him work through you. I have found that God often uses our weaknesses to strengthen others. In other words, you don’t have to have it all together to be a mentor; you just need to be willing to be used by God.
• Don’t fall into the trap of thinking a mentor’s job is to fix a person’s problems. It is not! Your job is to guide them toward a relationship with you, and more important, with Jesus – to point them to the One who has all the answers.
• Listen. Listen. And listen more. If you are anything like me, you like to hear yourself talk – ugh. There will of course be a time for you to talk and share your story with those you are mentoring. But you’ll likely find that most mentees feel like nobody cares, and worse, that nobody hears them. They want to be heard. They need to get things off their chest. If they feel you are willing to listen, you are well on your way to a trusting relationship, which is paramount to sharing the Good News.
• Don’t fear unanswerable questions – initially a big stumbling block for me. I prayed about this a lot, and God eventually got it through my thick skull that being a mentor was not about being an answer-giver. Rather, it is being a question-asker and a facilitator towards truth. I encourage those I mentor to embrace the fact that God isn’t afraid of their tough questions and takes delight in an inquiring mind.
• If you do become a mentor, just remember to continue being mentored yourself. Truth is, if you’re experiencing mentor relationships correctly, you are giving out and taking in. Don’t put aside the value of sitting at wisdom’s feet.
• Mentoring doesn’t mean you have to physically meet with your mentee two or three times a week. Meet in person as the spirit leads you, and then use technology to keep touching base as necessary. Send out a text telling them you’re praying for them today and just ask how they are doing. Check in occasionally and let them know you are available when they are in need. Stuff like that. Just keep the conversation going, and authentic. Be present, but also guard your time.
• Don’t take it personally if someone you’re trying to mentor walks away from your attempt to establish a relationship. Your job as a mentor is to guide other men to make decisions based on God’s word. Some simply aren’t ready, and that’s OK. Don’t push it. In God’s time.
• Go into the mentoring process expecting great things from God.
That’s it. I’m sure there is more, but it’s what comes to mind for now. And to repeat, there’s no magic formula. Just let God be God and then lean on the tools at your disposal – church, Forge, Bible, the Holly Spirit, and mentors of your own – like Pastor Pete.
Hope this is helpful. Now, let’s get to work.
Joe Bouch
FORGE Winter Springs
