FROM THE DAWGHOUSE…
HATING MYSELF & LOVING OTHERS
1 John 4:8, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
I’ve gone through things in my life, like most of us, that make it very easy to hate myself. We’re all ashamed of something we have done in the past where we continue to harbor self-resentment and self-judgment. I have found that through the practice of self-love I can more easily, and selflessly, love others. Without the ability to love myself I cannot love others.
I’ve tried almost everything imaginable to love myself. From staring at my reflection in the mirror and saying the words “I love you, and you’re worthy of love,” to meditation practice specifically focused on loving myself. Oddly enough, everything I’ve tried has succeeded to help me focus on loving myself… for a time. Unfortunately, this time is short lived because I have a natural inclination towards self-hatred. In the past I have used this self-hatred as fuel to work hard, succeed and prove that internal negative dialogue wrong. Even more frustrating is that this self-hatred as fuel has worked wonders professionally. These times of self-hatred, which lead to self-loathing, have all shockingly (heavy sarcasm) coincided with times when I was far from the gospel and thinking that I could do it all myself.
As men, we seek this love from others more easily than from ourselves (the Holy Spirit within all of us). This may be because, as men, we can do things for others to demonstrate value and seek this external love from our children, spouses or friends more easily than doing the extra tedious work of practicing self-love. We are called to love others unconditionally, as Jesus loved us.
Now, there is a delicate balance between healthy loving of oneself, and selfish love. It is important to ensure we avoid selfish love, and target fixate on the Holy Spirit’s love within us (selfless). Selfish love can easily manifest itself as a father, husband and mentor when focusing on preoccupying ourselves with activities like golf on the weekends, too much TV consumption or getting lost in our phones/zoning out while in the presence of our families during opportune connection times with the ones we are called to love, work for/with and lead. This becomes incredibly difficult to manage with the earthly distractions we have surrounding us at every moment of our days.
As natural born sinners, it’s extremely easy to think and act selfishly. However, we all know when we are working hard to be the men that God calls to be because we are in the Word daily, praying constantly, are practicing patience and are filling our own figurative cups with selfless spiritual love so that our love overflows into those that surround us.
As we focus on the Word, Jesus tells us, “Love your neighbor as yourself,” Matthew 22:39. The love Jesus references here is a selfless, patient and spiritual love. I’ll be the first to admit that it is incredibly difficult to practice this type of love for others and for myself when I am living a distracted selfish life. Yet, when we practice selfless love daily, we are presented with more opportunities to demonstrate to others our Christian hearts.
The Bible tells us to love, as the scripture above commands us. As always, that’s easier said than done. Especially when so many men are living with earthly father wounds. “I love you and I’m proud of you,” are words that every man wishes to hear from their father, their family and their friends. However, these words are rarely uttered to us as frequently as we need. Thankfully, my earthly father was, and still is, a very verbal love giver. I am so grateful to him for living this example for me. I feel that I am the exception though, as I speak to lots of other men that say their fathers rarely said, or demonstrated, “I love you.”
As a friendly reminder, God loves you UNCONDITIONALLY. Your wives love you. Your sons and daughters love you and need your love. Your grandchildren love you. Your friends love you. Love them all, starting with yourself. Be a cup that overflows with love so that those around you can live off of your love.
Heavenly Father, I come before You today with a humble and grateful heart. Grateful for the gift of limitless love You give me every minute of every day. And humbled by Your choice to do this for me, as Your deeply beloved son. Father, I ask that You give me the opportunity to love myself so that I can live the example Your son gave to us of unconditional love for everyone. I give this up to You, as only You can do this for me. In Jesus’ most high name, I pray. Amen.
Anthony Rivera
FORGE Longwood
